hello.

Sometimes…

Terrible days just happen. And the.way to make those days better is: sister time and delightfully awful movies. Also, tomatoes on top of bagels.

that book.

it’s a little after four in the morning and i technically have to be up for work in less than twenty minutes, although, let’s be honest: it’s more like at least half an hour. 

tonight, though, all i can think about is sadness and worry and wonderful things that make my heart happy. all at once. isn’t that ridiculous?

i’m a girl who knows a lot of people and is friends with some, but only lets a handful of people really, truly, in. my sisters and my mother know me well, my boyfriend and maybe two or three best friends are the only other ones i would include on that list.

one of those friends lent me a book today. rather, yesterday. it’s almost funny that all of this is inspired by that book in particular. it’s not a piece of Literature with a capital “l,” but a summer read, a fun read, a stay-up-all-night-because-you-want-to-not-because-you-have-to-read. seriously. a dumb teenage, should be a fun waste of time book. 

and yet here i am, crying throughout the majority of it. 

here i am, writing because i am so overwhelmed by this book. i should’ve been sleeping. i have errands to run tomorrow, important things to do that need to be done, should have been done by now. all i want to think about is friendship and loss, love and sadness. now, because i’ve been thinking those things, i have to do laundry because i have cried all night while reading, successfully getting mascara i thought was carefully removed all over not only my pillowcase, but my sheets and blankets as well. i am a disgusting, blubbery mess.

it’s almost funny in a way. i cry at everything, but almost nothing drives me to write. let’s just look at my track record on tumblr. this feeling, rather, these feelings, they make me a crazy person. i am already a crazy person! why is this book here?!

it’s making me think about my boyfriend, a wonderful person without whom i would be lost. someone who makes me feel beautiful, special, wanted, and cherished. someone who i want to be with to the moon and back, forever and more. someone who would give me more than i asked for, without me needing to ask for anything.

it’s making me think about a best friend who reluctantly gave me a book knowing that loss was recently on the horizon for me, a friend who very carefully gave nothing away about the plot of said book, knowing that it’s a big pet peeve of mine, and still managed to let me know she was worried and thought of me.

most of all, i think of a young man who is gone. someone i was close to once and never again. god, it’s still so hard for me to see those words. we are all so young—why do things like this happen? diseases like huntingtons and cancer shouldn’t be worries of ours. why can’t we obsess over credit card bills and late night ramblings and overdue library books?

i’m happy i read it. 

i’m happy i feel this way.

happy, sad, wonderful, loved, slimy due to tears.

missing you every single day.

wii

we are playing wii.

it’s become completely ridiculous.

-we’re going on three hours

-our thumbs are aching

-we’re yelling at both mario and toad

-general ridiculousness including not allowing ourselves to fall asleep until we (wii?) finish the level

i am so very tired. we only have half of a level to go, WHY CAN’T I BEAT YOU?!

jordan.

the world lost a great guy on sunday. my friend jordan died after his struggle with cancer, and he is in a better place but we are worse for it. he was a wonderful person: a gentleman and a scholar, and i will miss him dearly.

what he wrote in my yearbook senior year of high school will remain one of my favorite things ever:

“Adalie!

I must warn you, the only thing worse than my handwriting is my yearbook-signing skill, so although this should be really meaningful and heartfelt, it probably will suck. But I do think you’re amazing, and hilarious, and though I hate to say it, one of my better friends. I had a ton of fun with you in Europe this year, and NY last year, and basically everywhere else. So, although this is completely devoid of meaning, it’s completely heartfelt when I say that I’ll miss you like hell, and if you don’t keep in touch I will eat your firstborn. Believe it.

Best wishes/Good luck/Etc,

Jordan”

to one of my favorite people, and someone who would have made a wonderful old man. you were taken away far too soon.

well, there goes resolution number two.

see?

this is why i don’t do new years resolutions.

new years.

i hate new years resolutions because they set me up for failure. no, seriously. i am one of those people who has no self-control whatsoever; consequently by mid-january whatever dumb guideline i thought i could follow goes out the window.

this year, i decided that i will indeed have some resolutions. they’re going to have to be relatively easy but baby steps, people! baby steps.

1) no soda. this will suck but will be good for me in the long run. i work at a coffee shop; i should be drinking lattes instead of cokes anyway. and i should be drinking iced teas instead of lattes, but we’ll save that for another year.

2) blog. i feel like my writing is awkward and halting and awful. i chop my sentences up because that is how i talk, i overuse commas, and i am constantly trying to find a balance between my analytical-paper-writing-voice and my blogging-and-wonderful-voice. alright, maybe not quite that dramatic, but i would love to become a better writer and in order to do so, i must practice. 

3) hang out with my boyfriend more. i let life get in the way entirely too often, and as a result i rarely see him anymore. i stress out over papers, over work, over the price of gas…no more! 

i realize nobody will care about these and that these will be difficult for me to maintain, and yet somehow i feel as though publishing these makes them more significant and meaningful and much more likely to follow through with them.

on a happier and more general note: happy 2011! 

toddlers & tiaras.

seriously, TLC? seriously, why are you SO GOOD?

first up is toddlers and tiaras, about crazy mothers and their bratty children. pure television gold.

now we’re watching my strange addiction—this one woman sleeps with her blow dryer. HER BLOW DRYER. the other woman eats toilet paper. TOILET PAPER.

the learning channel. making life good.